JOKES: Laff Out With DonVic

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.
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Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.
One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?
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Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".
But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie.

Hahahaha, its a hapi mood. 

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A girl was with her father when she saw her boyfriend coming

GIRL: Have you come to collect your book titled "DADDY IS AT HOME?" by Ngozi Okafor

BOY: No, I want that your hymn book called "WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?"

GIRL: I don't have that one but maybe you should take the other one titled "UNDER THE MANGO TREE" by Chimamanda Adichie

BOY: Fine, but don't forget to bring "I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINUTES" while coming to school

GIRL: I will also bring you a new one too titled"I WON'T LET YOU DOWN" by Chinua Achebe Then;

DAD: Those books are too many, will he read them all

GIRL: Yes dad, he is very smart & intelligent

DAD: Okay don't forget to give him the one on the table titled "I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN SAYING" by Shakespeare! And also the one on the dinning table titled "IF YOU GET PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED" by Wole Soyinka

Hahahaha..... 

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A woman took her very sick husband to see a doctor:

Doctor: (says confidentially to wife) If you want your husband to survive, give him healthy breakfast daily, be pleasant and in a good mood always, don't fight, cook tasty dinners and don't discuss your problems with him.
Stop watching TV shows, no Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp,Twitter, or any other social media. Don't demand for money or new jewelries. Oh, and even in his current state of weakness, give him sex at least 3 times a day,7 days a week. If you can do all these for one year, your husband will be Ok..........
On their way home, the husband asks his wife;
Husband: So what did the doctor say?
Wife: he says your survival is not possible.
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Have a great day everyone!

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Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This is the awkward Truth About some husbands.
A group of men gathered at a church conference on how to live in a loving relationship with their wives. The men were asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All the men raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your wife you love her ?" 

Some men answered today, some yesterday, majority didn’t remember. 

The men were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective wives: I love you, sweetheart...

Then the men were told to exchange their phones so one can read the other wife's reply
to the love message.  

Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?
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In Kano State of Nigeria, some teacheres were owed their salary and asked by the government to still keep coming to teach the students. The following conversation transpired in one classroom:

Teacher: "What is 1+1?
Children: "8"
Teacher: "Correct"
Teacher: "What is 2+5?"...
Children: "14
" Teacher: "Correct"
Teacher: "What is 4+6?
Children: "20
"Teacher: "Good, it will remain like that until government pays my salary!
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You wanted to be rich by all means so you went to a native doctor he said u will be d richest man on earth in one condition, dat u will be mad for one full year, you agreed and u have been mad for eleven months and thirty days, remaining just a day, a pastor from nowhere came and cast d spirit of madness out of u.What will you do?

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