Marriage Story

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

HAVE A BLISSFUL DAY AHEAD!!

HUSBAND SCARCITY!!!

This may not be the best time for me to write on this because of misinterpretations, but I can no longer resist the push. "Husband Scarcity" has become one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. 

If you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this calls for concern. Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem? Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home. 

Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future. What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves. Today, the reverse is the case. 

Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable" and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound so worldly.

Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. You hear girls say, "I cannot suffer in my father's house and then go and start suffering with a man." What a wonderful dream! What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away? No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small. 

The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same.

When 50 girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". 

Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriageable age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue,
who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity. 

The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him,
without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and fulfilled MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM. 

It is a mission of building the family of God here on earth. For those who see marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into bondage. Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS... DON'T
CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today, may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow. Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. Join in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP THE RIGHT VALUES. 

I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage, not all men are husband materials. What I am saying is that you should stop setting your standard on material acquisitions or physical appearances. Look beyond the physical. 

WHAT MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And that which he is made of is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only its effects can be seen. 

Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is seen is temporal and that which is not seen is permanent.

HAVE A LOVELY DAY AHEAD!! DonVic loves you all, have a successful marriage.

5 Things To Look For In A Partner!!

Marriage is one institution which God made and blessed and it is holy but it takes two to tangle.

Marriage is a life-long commitment, so it is important that you find someone who’s just perfect for you. There is a common belief that marriages are made in heaven, but when it comes to selecting a life-partner it can’t be left to destiny or luck, right? You need to make an effort to know the person better and have shared interests. Here are some qualities you should look for in your prospective partner…

1. Maturity
This is one important quality you need to look for in your life partner . S/he should be mentally prepared to take on responsibilities of a family and should be capable of taking independent decisions at the time of crisis. Physical, emotional and intellectual maturity can be termed as ingredients that will lead to the stability of a relationship in the future. So, find out how matured and mentally prepared s/he really is before getting hitched.

2. Good Family Background
This is of utmost importance and can’t be ignored, as marriage is not just the coming together of two individuals but two families. Religion, culture, traditions and values play an important role when it comes to marriage and living under the same roof. A rift can occur and scar the relationship forever if even one of the two families is too orthodox or too broad-minded. Lifestyle, food habits, religious sentiments, etc are few important factors to be considered.

3. Financial Stability
Your partner should have a stable income. What if one of you lose your job, due to some reason after marriage? So, it’s important that both of you are equally stable. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable discussing money matters ahead of time. For instance, you could talk about your spending habits and find out where you both feel your money should go, etc. This can prevent disagreements later. Also, discuss how you and your partner feel about buying, saving, and sharing bank accounts (if needed).

4. Sense of Humour
Having a partner with good sense of humour will ease out your worries in difficult times. This gives one the courage to take things light-heartedly and adds zeal to a marriage. Believe it or not, but when the going gets tough, good sense of humour can take you smoothly even through rough situations. Life is so much fun when your partner has a good sense of humour and knows how to be there for you to put a smile on your face.

5. Emotional Compatibility and much more…
Be it, good personal hygiene, adjusting nature, physical and emotional compatibility, etc these are all important factors that determine the success of a marriage. Mutual trust and respect helps you share things openly, as a couple. Also, ease of communication leads to a long-lasting relationship, which in turn helps you to resolve the issues in a mature manner.

***feel free to share***

WHAT A HUSBAND TOLD HIS WIFE THE NIGHT OF THEIR WEDDING

My wife, everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the wedding/marriage, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from tonight. Our life is no longer the same.

There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you inside the toilet and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday.

Before I take off your cloth and make love to you… let me tell you few things.

I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram.

From today, I have become a child. For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you.

I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn. Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache.

When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have problem being a father to you.

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Maybe you can touch someone!

Marriage is Friendship

"One of the major pillars for a great marriage is friendship. Where a husband or wife is 100% confident that they have a friend in their spouse, it makes a difference. Don't just be husband and wife; that friendship element is absolutely important. Friendship has to be nourished and nurtured regularly or it will face the danger of becoming like a business relationship.

Your spouse must be able to sit down and talk to you about anything without you getting defensive or behaving as if they are a burden to you. Your spouse should be able to joke with you about anything and just feel free to be themselves around you. Many husbands and wives are not themselves when they are around each other. However, when they come around those they consider friends or family, they let loose; that should not be so. In fact, you should have the most fun with your spouse; give them room to be goofy and free around you; let your children see that side of you.

Stop being so rigid and official with each other. You joke with everyone else but frown at each other; relax!! Please build friendship & maintain friendship. This also means that even when your spouse may be at their lowest point, you are there to pick them up, not tear them down. Exactly what you will do for someone you consider a friend; do the same and even much more for your spouse. Friendship is core and marriage is the greatest platform to experience true and lasting friendship. That's part of what will keep your bond of love tight" 

- Excerpt from a Family Life Class teaching by Kemi Oyedepo