Chinyere's Advice to Nigerian Ladies

I used to be eager to speak out on topical issues but in recent times I have become silent as a personal choice, but i just had to share these few thoughts . Some of the our ladies these days have placed wealth and comfort(though they are important)above love and happiness. You want to marry someone that earns above 200k but you don't have a regular job or you actually do but your concern is to have a million naira wedding on Bellanaija. Jisike... When I wanted to get married, I wanted the simple stuff, the beach side wedding with a few friends and family and no asoebi and no bridal party, but the hubby and family wanted it the other way and i had to go with the flow to make all parties happy. I remember someone told me after my wedding "Chinyere your wedding was very nice except the food was not enough" and I told her babe I only printed 200Ivs and planned food for 500persons  and the turnout was above 1000 persons. I wan kill myself? "The most important thing is that am with my husband now".
You want to have the pre-wedding shoot, all the glitz and glamour of the wedding, what happens after the wedding. How many of those people who attended and told you your wedding was the best ever will be there when the realities start kicking in.

Let's face it what goes on after the wedding day in marriage is way more than what happens on that particular day. A lot of challenges will come(oh yes they will,don't let anybody lie to you), some will be communication gap, some will be insecurity, others might be inability to surrender your independence, some will be infertility, even misunderstanding, some will be revelation of hidden and annoying attitudes and most times lack of money is always the last on the list.
But love prevails in all this challenges and above all calling God into your home. During my marriage counselling our Pastor told us that above all the challenges we may face, that we should always CHOOSE TO BE WITH EACH OTHER. Because I have chosen to be with my husband and no oneelse, it means that whether he earns 200k or less, that I still want to be with him not with that man that earns 1million naira per month. I have chosen love for my husband, lasting relationship and happiness above millions in my bank account, not because I am allergic to millions but because I believe my husband is a young man with great potentials and with God helping us, and together in few years to come we will have that and many more and our love and happiness will in no way be compromised.

Ladies!ladies! Ladies! The economy is already hard as it is, so many companies are downsizing and you hardly find ongoing recruitment, those who arelucky to retain there jobs are not getting promotions rather there's even a cut in salary. And one fine young man will come in this hard time knowing the cost of a bag of rice to propose marriage to you and you reject because his salary is not above 200k ... ngwanu keep waiting for Dangote abi Adenuga or Tinubu's son... soon you will find yourself in one of this deliverance churches.
The bottomline of this discussion is this, Ladies marry for love and happiness and not for wealth or fame and please do not marry a loser who has nothing to offer you. Atleast let him have a job and the drive to make more money. In few years to come,  he whose salary was 100-150k with hard work and you encouraging and supporting him will be earning above 500k-100million.

Don't turn down a good man because of his current salary and don't marry a jerk because of his current salary because you will have your taste of hell fire on earth if you are in a bad marriage. It could cut short your life. Your beauty can diminish in just a few months because of a bad marriage.
Marriage is such a long time to live in unhappiness. There are worse things a man can do to a woman other hitting her, abuse is not only physical it cuts across a lot. Some women beg to be hit so they will have evidence than all the other forms of abuse which no one can see.

A good marriage with or without money cannot be hidden. You have A supportive husband who is not ashamed to show you off. You have A man who offers domestic help to you. You have A man who reminds you daily of how beautiful you are either by words or action. You have A man who just goes out of his way to treat you right and make sure you laugh all the time. My husband likes the way I laugh so always he tries to do something that will make me laugh all the time. A good marriage makes you glow as woman and everybody will see it.

After reflecting on all i have written I can truly boast that I have a good marriage and I am happy and all my basic needs are taken care of without the 1million monthly salary.😃😃😃😃
We are working on forever and not today and now. Some people made there first millions in their 40s and 50s,  the goddess of goodluck can just smile on that young man just  one day and you will become the first lady. Do not despise a man's humble beggining. My grandfather used to say that "nwoke nji magic biri" literal translation, "a man is living with magic". He can go out today and meet an opportunity that will turn him to a millonaire overnight.
Ladies invite God in your choice and you won't regret it and please make hay while the sun shines. ..


Written by: Chinyere Ugo-Onyebuenyi

This Husband of hers

He walked in the house only to find his wife angry, deflated, moody, irritable, frowning and with a long face.

"Hey love" he greeted her as he placed the newspaper on the table.

"Hey" she said with a dull tone. She was struggling to remove her shoes.

"You've just arrived?" He asked her as he went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water.

"Yes" she answered.

"The kids?" he asked.

"They are upstairs. Changing clothes and taking a bath" she answered as she stood up dragging her feet to place her shoes at the corner near the door.

"Are you OK?" He asked her.

"Yes" she answered.

"No you're not. You don't sound and look OK. Come on. Talk to me?" He asked as he moved closer to her.

"Aah! You and your many questions. Can't you just let me be? I have had a really bad day and I am not in the mood" she said.

He looked at her as she walked past him and went to the kitchen where she banged things in the sink.

"What are you doing? You want to start cooking?" He asked her as he followed her.

"What does it look like I am doing? Some of your questions are childish. Too much" she told him.

"Don't start cooking now. Come. Let's go to the bedroom" he requested, grabbing her hand.

"It's late. I need to start cooking or the kids will sleep late. I have no time" she declined.

"Just come. Please" he pleaded.

"If it's sex. I am not in the mood" she told him off as she reached in the kitchen cabinet to pick up a packet of rice.

"My love. Please" he pleaded reaching out for her hand.

She gave him her hand. He held her by the waist as they climbed up the staircase.

They entered inside the bedroom. He closed the bedroom door.

"Will you join me for a moment of worship? Let's kneel and worship God for a few minutes" he requested.

They both knelt on the floor and started to worship. He started singing and she joined him.

They broke out into whispers to God. She started crying as she fixed her eyes on Jesus. She shook her head side to side, clapping, lifting hands, deep in worship.

"Honey, talk to God about what happened today. Tell Him about your long day" he whispered to her.

Her lips moved. No sound from her lips. Eyes closed. Tears flowing down her cheeks.

A smile returned back to her face.

She held his hands and prayed.

"Thank You my Heavenly Father for Your throne of grace and mercy, for lifting up my burdens, for being my rock. Thank You for giving me such an amazing husband who reminds me of worship when life's issues overwhelm me, who points me back to You when I am busy focusing on the meaningless struggles of earthly life, my career and the hustle and bustle that can easily distract. This is what I love to do, to lift up Your name no matter how good or bad my day is. And as I worship You, I feel better, You lift up my countenance, I gain back strength, I smile again, You sort things out. I will not worry. Forgive me for how I treated my husband earlier when all he was trying to do is to care for me. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen" she prayed.

"Amen" he concluded the prayer with her.

He kissed her forehead.

"You look and sound much better. I forgive you Darling. Life has it's ups and downs. You may not feel like talking to me sometimes, but please, talk to God. Let everything else wait, talk to God. Don't be so busy living life when worship awaits you" he told her.

She moved closer to him and kissed his lips passionately.

They sat on the bedroom floor, his back leaning on the bed, she leaning on him as they kissed some more.

They cuddled. There.

She opened up to him and told him all the struggles she had during the day. How she got into a misunderstanding with mother, how things didn't go as planned, the pressure at work, the car accident she had driving home, the amount of duties in need of her attention at home.

She felt safe in his arms. Laughing. Smiling.

"OK Honey, let's go cook. I will help you cook" he told her.

They got up.

Walked downstairs to the kitchen.

They made jokes and sung as they cooked.

Their children watched mom and dad in a good mood and joined them.

Dinner was ready much faster and it was more fun making it.

They ate as a family.

Went to bed peaceful and happy ready for a new day.

Worship is powerful. Lifting up the Lord, does wonders in you. Pause for a while. Take a moment to worship. You will be better, your marriage and home will be touched by God.

Focus on the God who doesn't change, not your temporary situations.

source: Relationship Jist

Marriage Story

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

HAVE A BLISSFUL DAY AHEAD!!

HUSBAND SCARCITY!!!

This may not be the best time for me to write on this because of misinterpretations, but I can no longer resist the push. "Husband Scarcity" has become one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. 

If you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this calls for concern. Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem? Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home. 

Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future. What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves. Today, the reverse is the case. 

Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable" and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound so worldly.

Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. You hear girls say, "I cannot suffer in my father's house and then go and start suffering with a man." What a wonderful dream! What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away? No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small. 

The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same.

When 50 girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". 

Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriageable age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue,
who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity. 

The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him,
without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and fulfilled MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM. 

It is a mission of building the family of God here on earth. For those who see marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into bondage. Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS... DON'T
CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today, may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow. Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. Join in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP THE RIGHT VALUES. 

I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage, not all men are husband materials. What I am saying is that you should stop setting your standard on material acquisitions or physical appearances. Look beyond the physical. 

WHAT MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And that which he is made of is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only its effects can be seen. 

Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is seen is temporal and that which is not seen is permanent.

HAVE A LOVELY DAY AHEAD!! DonVic loves you all, have a successful marriage.

Make one fall in love with you

Falling in love isn’t a choice; it’s an irrational chain of events that simply cannot be stopped. It can happen slowly, over time, or quickly in a matter of moments. One glance. One touch. One eight-hour phone conversation. And it’s all over.

Building a strong relationship is one of the most challenging and rewarding parts of a happy life. While there is no instruction manual for assembling your ideal partnership there are a few simple things you can say to your partner everyday to get you on the right track. Make a habit out of saying some romantic things to your significant other (without sounding like a robot) and pretty soon you will be that adorable couple that make all your friends sick.

Making one fall in love with you also includes dressing well, being HOT, for your partner, being well-dressed and neatly shaved, and being simple and honest.

Learn what he/she likes, care about him/her and be there for them whenever they need you. 

5 Things To Look For In A Partner!!

Marriage is one institution which God made and blessed and it is holy but it takes two to tangle.

Marriage is a life-long commitment, so it is important that you find someone who’s just perfect for you. There is a common belief that marriages are made in heaven, but when it comes to selecting a life-partner it can’t be left to destiny or luck, right? You need to make an effort to know the person better and have shared interests. Here are some qualities you should look for in your prospective partner…

1. Maturity
This is one important quality you need to look for in your life partner . S/he should be mentally prepared to take on responsibilities of a family and should be capable of taking independent decisions at the time of crisis. Physical, emotional and intellectual maturity can be termed as ingredients that will lead to the stability of a relationship in the future. So, find out how matured and mentally prepared s/he really is before getting hitched.

2. Good Family Background
This is of utmost importance and can’t be ignored, as marriage is not just the coming together of two individuals but two families. Religion, culture, traditions and values play an important role when it comes to marriage and living under the same roof. A rift can occur and scar the relationship forever if even one of the two families is too orthodox or too broad-minded. Lifestyle, food habits, religious sentiments, etc are few important factors to be considered.

3. Financial Stability
Your partner should have a stable income. What if one of you lose your job, due to some reason after marriage? So, it’s important that both of you are equally stable. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable discussing money matters ahead of time. For instance, you could talk about your spending habits and find out where you both feel your money should go, etc. This can prevent disagreements later. Also, discuss how you and your partner feel about buying, saving, and sharing bank accounts (if needed).

4. Sense of Humour
Having a partner with good sense of humour will ease out your worries in difficult times. This gives one the courage to take things light-heartedly and adds zeal to a marriage. Believe it or not, but when the going gets tough, good sense of humour can take you smoothly even through rough situations. Life is so much fun when your partner has a good sense of humour and knows how to be there for you to put a smile on your face.

5. Emotional Compatibility and much more…
Be it, good personal hygiene, adjusting nature, physical and emotional compatibility, etc these are all important factors that determine the success of a marriage. Mutual trust and respect helps you share things openly, as a couple. Also, ease of communication leads to a long-lasting relationship, which in turn helps you to resolve the issues in a mature manner.

***feel free to share***

Marriage is Friendship

"One of the major pillars for a great marriage is friendship. Where a husband or wife is 100% confident that they have a friend in their spouse, it makes a difference. Don't just be husband and wife; that friendship element is absolutely important. Friendship has to be nourished and nurtured regularly or it will face the danger of becoming like a business relationship.

Your spouse must be able to sit down and talk to you about anything without you getting defensive or behaving as if they are a burden to you. Your spouse should be able to joke with you about anything and just feel free to be themselves around you. Many husbands and wives are not themselves when they are around each other. However, when they come around those they consider friends or family, they let loose; that should not be so. In fact, you should have the most fun with your spouse; give them room to be goofy and free around you; let your children see that side of you.

Stop being so rigid and official with each other. You joke with everyone else but frown at each other; relax!! Please build friendship & maintain friendship. This also means that even when your spouse may be at their lowest point, you are there to pick them up, not tear them down. Exactly what you will do for someone you consider a friend; do the same and even much more for your spouse. Friendship is core and marriage is the greatest platform to experience true and lasting friendship. That's part of what will keep your bond of love tight" 

- Excerpt from a Family Life Class teaching by Kemi Oyedepo

A Poem: Sting from Love, by Oghogho Joy O. and Chiemela Victor A.

Her whole life played in front of her.
This should be an answered prayer.
In her jubilation she couldn't help but cry
For the humiliation he had left her.

Tears of joy well mixed with tears of pain.
She ran back to the vomitus,
Thinking it would be the solution. 
She didn't appreciate the emetic that brought the relief.

Thank God it couldn't be swallowed back
Really, not all that glitters is gold
Such is the story of Ngozi
The pretty damsel who is so bold


She was the talk of the men in church
She never ceased to sing in church
Smiling was the fabric she wore on her face
Under it were pains no one could cheer
She had let herself fall in love

It could not be helped when it was Mena the actor
Like a river her love flowed form hers to her lover
A man she wonders if he deserved her at all

She reminiscence both the good and bad times,
She couldn't believe what played in front of her. 
The anguish and pain squeezed her heart out
Until there was no more juice to take.

So great was the sorrow she felt,
And left her in pity and shame.
The trials were tough
Even her friends on her were rough

It felt like the world should end
But was she wrong some love to lend? 
She remembered her dear when it all began,
Travelling together in her fatherland

But he had told her;
No need to fear,
Everything is going to be fine
All now it seems like he kept her up on a pine

It became their theme
Just "take one step at a time", 
You make lemonades from lemons, 
What can you make from lime?

Love's sting does hurts
Was it because she had faith in him?
Was she wrong to fall so deeply in love?
She sacrificed alot to be by him.

That she was willing to go the extra mile
Despite his short comings,
She knew her weakness, 
And so she prayed for strength. 

She had her regrets, 
But never hesitated to repent
There were nights the hurt would wake her
From the deep travels of sleep she arose.

She remembered the sacrifices she made.
But it hurt to realise they were all in vain.
She remembered the promises he made
But it hurt to realise they were all lies

From Genesis, she saw no Revelation
That made her so hard as she realised
That from the beginning he had lied
Why was he a fake lad?

This black scorpion had held her tightly with its two claws,
It took his time, and slowly without mercy, 
Gave her the sting of bitterness
Through her innocent skin.

She screamed, but no one heard
And tired she was when he was off
But what hurt the most?
He never apologised. 

If God had not fight her battles,
Her new self would not had been born.
She prays each day 
For the pain to go away.

But she fears that the pain
Would have to stay.
If and only if he said I'm sorry
This sting of love has left a scar