Chinyere's Advice to Nigerian Ladies

I used to be eager to speak out on topical issues but in recent times I have become silent as a personal choice, but i just had to share these few thoughts . Some of the our ladies these days have placed wealth and comfort(though they are important)above love and happiness. You want to marry someone that earns above 200k but you don't have a regular job or you actually do but your concern is to have a million naira wedding on Bellanaija. Jisike... When I wanted to get married, I wanted the simple stuff, the beach side wedding with a few friends and family and no asoebi and no bridal party, but the hubby and family wanted it the other way and i had to go with the flow to make all parties happy. I remember someone told me after my wedding "Chinyere your wedding was very nice except the food was not enough" and I told her babe I only printed 200Ivs and planned food for 500persons  and the turnout was above 1000 persons. I wan kill myself? "The most important thing is that am with my husband now".
You want to have the pre-wedding shoot, all the glitz and glamour of the wedding, what happens after the wedding. How many of those people who attended and told you your wedding was the best ever will be there when the realities start kicking in.

Let's face it what goes on after the wedding day in marriage is way more than what happens on that particular day. A lot of challenges will come(oh yes they will,don't let anybody lie to you), some will be communication gap, some will be insecurity, others might be inability to surrender your independence, some will be infertility, even misunderstanding, some will be revelation of hidden and annoying attitudes and most times lack of money is always the last on the list.
But love prevails in all this challenges and above all calling God into your home. During my marriage counselling our Pastor told us that above all the challenges we may face, that we should always CHOOSE TO BE WITH EACH OTHER. Because I have chosen to be with my husband and no oneelse, it means that whether he earns 200k or less, that I still want to be with him not with that man that earns 1million naira per month. I have chosen love for my husband, lasting relationship and happiness above millions in my bank account, not because I am allergic to millions but because I believe my husband is a young man with great potentials and with God helping us, and together in few years to come we will have that and many more and our love and happiness will in no way be compromised.

Ladies!ladies! Ladies! The economy is already hard as it is, so many companies are downsizing and you hardly find ongoing recruitment, those who arelucky to retain there jobs are not getting promotions rather there's even a cut in salary. And one fine young man will come in this hard time knowing the cost of a bag of rice to propose marriage to you and you reject because his salary is not above 200k ... ngwanu keep waiting for Dangote abi Adenuga or Tinubu's son... soon you will find yourself in one of this deliverance churches.
The bottomline of this discussion is this, Ladies marry for love and happiness and not for wealth or fame and please do not marry a loser who has nothing to offer you. Atleast let him have a job and the drive to make more money. In few years to come,  he whose salary was 100-150k with hard work and you encouraging and supporting him will be earning above 500k-100million.

Don't turn down a good man because of his current salary and don't marry a jerk because of his current salary because you will have your taste of hell fire on earth if you are in a bad marriage. It could cut short your life. Your beauty can diminish in just a few months because of a bad marriage.
Marriage is such a long time to live in unhappiness. There are worse things a man can do to a woman other hitting her, abuse is not only physical it cuts across a lot. Some women beg to be hit so they will have evidence than all the other forms of abuse which no one can see.

A good marriage with or without money cannot be hidden. You have A supportive husband who is not ashamed to show you off. You have A man who offers domestic help to you. You have A man who reminds you daily of how beautiful you are either by words or action. You have A man who just goes out of his way to treat you right and make sure you laugh all the time. My husband likes the way I laugh so always he tries to do something that will make me laugh all the time. A good marriage makes you glow as woman and everybody will see it.

After reflecting on all i have written I can truly boast that I have a good marriage and I am happy and all my basic needs are taken care of without the 1million monthly salary.😃😃😃😃
We are working on forever and not today and now. Some people made there first millions in their 40s and 50s,  the goddess of goodluck can just smile on that young man just  one day and you will become the first lady. Do not despise a man's humble beggining. My grandfather used to say that "nwoke nji magic biri" literal translation, "a man is living with magic". He can go out today and meet an opportunity that will turn him to a millonaire overnight.
Ladies invite God in your choice and you won't regret it and please make hay while the sun shines. ..


Written by: Chinyere Ugo-Onyebuenyi

Marriage Story

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

HAVE A BLISSFUL DAY AHEAD!!

A humble African Lady

...So I heard this fine lady bagged a doctorate degree and knelt to publicly thank her husband for his support and some people are running a commentary in condemnation.

Most of the comments I read are from fellow women, married, single, abused, happy....
I shake my head!

Oh I really do.

Most of the people taking her to the cleaners are the same ones who will kneel for their bosses at work or even their benefactors.
They are the ones who will go down on their knees for sycophancy purposes.

People, especially our fellow ladies probably do not know what it means to have a supportive husband, so I will excuse them.

They probably don't know what it feels like when your husband pushes, prods and takes you to your zenith, so I will excuse them.
They probably don't know what it feels like when your husband is not intimidated by your success in life, so I will excuse them.

Do they know what it feels like when a husband chooses to invest in his wife instead of buying a new car or a new house?
Okay, let us peep into the flip door.

Many women have potentials but can not maximise them because their husbands have caged them.
Many cannot go to school or further their education. Many more cannot even take up an employment. Many live in fear
So many are abused. A few have been killed.
Hhhmmmmmm!

You won't just understand the adoration and indescribable feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment the woman in the picture must have felt. She probably didn't even know when or how she did this, it must have been a reflex reaction to a well - deserving man.

I have a friend who is always speaking good about her man. She praises him to the high heavens, tells me how supportive he is, how he is a father indeed and how he is such a shinning example, he makes her happy and fulfilled :so many good reports. Now, I don't get to hear this often. I hear the flip side more. 

Last year in the UK, they came to visit me. I held his hands and didn't know (please note the fact that I said I didn't know) when I knelt to thank him. I prayed for him and introduced him to my hosts.

One of the comments I read said something like '' abeg she should have just pecked (What's that abeg?) him or given him a kiss. . " and my reaction is" What's our business really in the way a woman chooses to appreciate a deserving man? ".

See, ehn, we too dey form. We too dey form abeg. Haba!

These same ladies forming 'britico' on social media kneel to greet other men. 

Anyways, my conclusion is drawn. If your man is truly deserving, if you are truly the Daughter of your mother, you will appreciate your man if he deserves to. You may not kneel, you may not kiss him, you may not hug him, but you will appreciate him, even if you have to do that publicly!

Like I always say, if your man is not getting your respect and other men are, then something is fundamentally wrong, not necessarily with you, but maybe, with your relationship.

Leave this woman alone abeg!!!
She's got beauty. She's got brains (PhD no be beans o) and she's got a good character to tops!

WHAT'S YOUR SAY ON THIS???  A MUST-READ FOR ALL LADIES

---Copied from Lara's page

5 Things To Look For In A Partner!!

Marriage is one institution which God made and blessed and it is holy but it takes two to tangle.

Marriage is a life-long commitment, so it is important that you find someone who’s just perfect for you. There is a common belief that marriages are made in heaven, but when it comes to selecting a life-partner it can’t be left to destiny or luck, right? You need to make an effort to know the person better and have shared interests. Here are some qualities you should look for in your prospective partner…

1. Maturity
This is one important quality you need to look for in your life partner . S/he should be mentally prepared to take on responsibilities of a family and should be capable of taking independent decisions at the time of crisis. Physical, emotional and intellectual maturity can be termed as ingredients that will lead to the stability of a relationship in the future. So, find out how matured and mentally prepared s/he really is before getting hitched.

2. Good Family Background
This is of utmost importance and can’t be ignored, as marriage is not just the coming together of two individuals but two families. Religion, culture, traditions and values play an important role when it comes to marriage and living under the same roof. A rift can occur and scar the relationship forever if even one of the two families is too orthodox or too broad-minded. Lifestyle, food habits, religious sentiments, etc are few important factors to be considered.

3. Financial Stability
Your partner should have a stable income. What if one of you lose your job, due to some reason after marriage? So, it’s important that both of you are equally stable. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable discussing money matters ahead of time. For instance, you could talk about your spending habits and find out where you both feel your money should go, etc. This can prevent disagreements later. Also, discuss how you and your partner feel about buying, saving, and sharing bank accounts (if needed).

4. Sense of Humour
Having a partner with good sense of humour will ease out your worries in difficult times. This gives one the courage to take things light-heartedly and adds zeal to a marriage. Believe it or not, but when the going gets tough, good sense of humour can take you smoothly even through rough situations. Life is so much fun when your partner has a good sense of humour and knows how to be there for you to put a smile on your face.

5. Emotional Compatibility and much more…
Be it, good personal hygiene, adjusting nature, physical and emotional compatibility, etc these are all important factors that determine the success of a marriage. Mutual trust and respect helps you share things openly, as a couple. Also, ease of communication leads to a long-lasting relationship, which in turn helps you to resolve the issues in a mature manner.

***feel free to share***

WHAT A HUSBAND TOLD HIS WIFE THE NIGHT OF THEIR WEDDING

My wife, everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the wedding/marriage, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from tonight. Our life is no longer the same.

There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you inside the toilet and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday.

Before I take off your cloth and make love to you… let me tell you few things.

I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram.

From today, I have become a child. For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you.

I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn. Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache.

When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have problem being a father to you.

Why not share this post?
Maybe you can touch someone!