Chinyere's Advice to Nigerian Ladies

I used to be eager to speak out on topical issues but in recent times I have become silent as a personal choice, but i just had to share these few thoughts . Some of the our ladies these days have placed wealth and comfort(though they are important)above love and happiness. You want to marry someone that earns above 200k but you don't have a regular job or you actually do but your concern is to have a million naira wedding on Bellanaija. Jisike... When I wanted to get married, I wanted the simple stuff, the beach side wedding with a few friends and family and no asoebi and no bridal party, but the hubby and family wanted it the other way and i had to go with the flow to make all parties happy. I remember someone told me after my wedding "Chinyere your wedding was very nice except the food was not enough" and I told her babe I only printed 200Ivs and planned food for 500persons  and the turnout was above 1000 persons. I wan kill myself? "The most important thing is that am with my husband now".
You want to have the pre-wedding shoot, all the glitz and glamour of the wedding, what happens after the wedding. How many of those people who attended and told you your wedding was the best ever will be there when the realities start kicking in.

Let's face it what goes on after the wedding day in marriage is way more than what happens on that particular day. A lot of challenges will come(oh yes they will,don't let anybody lie to you), some will be communication gap, some will be insecurity, others might be inability to surrender your independence, some will be infertility, even misunderstanding, some will be revelation of hidden and annoying attitudes and most times lack of money is always the last on the list.
But love prevails in all this challenges and above all calling God into your home. During my marriage counselling our Pastor told us that above all the challenges we may face, that we should always CHOOSE TO BE WITH EACH OTHER. Because I have chosen to be with my husband and no oneelse, it means that whether he earns 200k or less, that I still want to be with him not with that man that earns 1million naira per month. I have chosen love for my husband, lasting relationship and happiness above millions in my bank account, not because I am allergic to millions but because I believe my husband is a young man with great potentials and with God helping us, and together in few years to come we will have that and many more and our love and happiness will in no way be compromised.

Ladies!ladies! Ladies! The economy is already hard as it is, so many companies are downsizing and you hardly find ongoing recruitment, those who arelucky to retain there jobs are not getting promotions rather there's even a cut in salary. And one fine young man will come in this hard time knowing the cost of a bag of rice to propose marriage to you and you reject because his salary is not above 200k ... ngwanu keep waiting for Dangote abi Adenuga or Tinubu's son... soon you will find yourself in one of this deliverance churches.
The bottomline of this discussion is this, Ladies marry for love and happiness and not for wealth or fame and please do not marry a loser who has nothing to offer you. Atleast let him have a job and the drive to make more money. In few years to come,  he whose salary was 100-150k with hard work and you encouraging and supporting him will be earning above 500k-100million.

Don't turn down a good man because of his current salary and don't marry a jerk because of his current salary because you will have your taste of hell fire on earth if you are in a bad marriage. It could cut short your life. Your beauty can diminish in just a few months because of a bad marriage.
Marriage is such a long time to live in unhappiness. There are worse things a man can do to a woman other hitting her, abuse is not only physical it cuts across a lot. Some women beg to be hit so they will have evidence than all the other forms of abuse which no one can see.

A good marriage with or without money cannot be hidden. You have A supportive husband who is not ashamed to show you off. You have A man who offers domestic help to you. You have A man who reminds you daily of how beautiful you are either by words or action. You have A man who just goes out of his way to treat you right and make sure you laugh all the time. My husband likes the way I laugh so always he tries to do something that will make me laugh all the time. A good marriage makes you glow as woman and everybody will see it.

After reflecting on all i have written I can truly boast that I have a good marriage and I am happy and all my basic needs are taken care of without the 1million monthly salary.😃😃😃😃
We are working on forever and not today and now. Some people made there first millions in their 40s and 50s,  the goddess of goodluck can just smile on that young man just  one day and you will become the first lady. Do not despise a man's humble beggining. My grandfather used to say that "nwoke nji magic biri" literal translation, "a man is living with magic". He can go out today and meet an opportunity that will turn him to a millonaire overnight.
Ladies invite God in your choice and you won't regret it and please make hay while the sun shines. ..


Written by: Chinyere Ugo-Onyebuenyi

HUSBAND SCARCITY!!!

This may not be the best time for me to write on this because of misinterpretations, but I can no longer resist the push. "Husband Scarcity" has become one of the challenges faced by many young girls today. 

If you go to prayer houses, majority of the intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this calls for concern. Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers and grandmothers, was there really much of a "Husband Scarcity" problem? Or, maybe there were more men than women then, or there was an adequate corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were prepared to build a home and not park into a built home. 

Then, once a young man comes of age and can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates him and helps him to build a future. What am I really trying to say? We created what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves. Today, the reverse is the case. 

Ask an average girl to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair, and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable" and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound so worldly.

Then, check the number of girls around you and the number of men that meet that standard, and you will see the problem. You hear girls say, "I cannot suffer in my father's house and then go and start suffering with a man." What a wonderful dream! What if from the beginning, you have everything you want and there is no suffering, and later in the marriage, the table turns around, then comes suffering? Will you run away? No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start small and end big, than start big and end small. 

The problem is that the description majority of girls give of their ideal man is virtually the same.

When 50 girls want the same kind of man and the man that fits what they want is just 1 man, and the man can only pick one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity". 

Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to the face of our economy to find a man who is of marriageable age who possesses all those things these ladies want, legally (except those involved in Internet fraud); even the number of those in Internet fraud is not enough to match all those searching for already made husbands. If you look around, majority of the ladies of substance, of good value and virtue,
who are ready to build a home with a man who has prospects, are married and not complaining of husband scarcity. 

The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change your view of who a husband is. A husband is that man God made and then saw that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for making him,
without a help mate and then made the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and fulfilled MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM. 

It is a mission of building the family of God here on earth. For those who see marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into bondage. Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME WARMERS... DON'T
CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY. Where he is today, may only be a route to where God has destined him to be tomorrow. Another truth is that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO THAT HIS DESTINATION. Join in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP THE RIGHT VALUES. 

I am not saying that you should pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage, not all men are husband materials. What I am saying is that you should stop setting your standard on material acquisitions or physical appearances. Look beyond the physical. 

WHAT MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS MADE UP OF. And that which he is made of is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only its effects can be seen. 

Marriage is a permanent thing. Whatever is seen is temporal and that which is not seen is permanent.

HAVE A LOVELY DAY AHEAD!! DonVic loves you all, have a successful marriage.

MY FATHER'S ADVICE TO ME WHEN I WAS SEARCHING FOR A WIFE

By Jerry John Rawlings The Former Ghana President

My son, I will be very raw and sincere with you.

Do not worry about the size of a woman buttock or breast but worry about the size of her heart and brain. Worry about the size of her love and endurance. Because after 5 or 10 years, it will not be about the breast or buttock.

As you can see, your mum now has a flat chest and almost flat buttock but we still live together happily, I still love her and she still love me. Be careful of a woman that loves money. I mean the woman that talks ‘every time’ about her hair, cloths, shoes, bags panties and make-ups.

Marriage is not all about these things. Without make-up, cloths, shoes and panties a good marriage will still stand but without love, no marriage can stand.

When I got married to your mum, I didn’t have a car or house of my own. I was not even educated. But I had dreams and she appreciate and support me. Any woman that does not support your dream is not worth thinking-a-minute about. There are women that will see your dreams better than you, you are lucky if you find one,

My son, open your ears very well, there is a kind of woman you should avoid, do not make a mistake to marry this kind of woman or you will regret it. I mean a woman that always has bad things to say about everyone. If you see this kind of woman, run away.

One of the worst kind of woman you can marry is the one that complains about everything. If you buy this, she says you should have bought that, if you do this, she said you should have done that.
Please stay away!

Most women enjoy talking but the one who talks for two hours and listen for two minutes is a potential ‘bomb’. 

Be wise
Be very careful of a pretending partner. 

A pretending woman is not hard to know. She will always know everything about everything, she will be careful. Just close your eyes and open your heart and you will see!

No woman is perfect. If you see a woman who believes in your dream , who respects you who is committed and who is not all about herself alone then don’t let her go.

But remember, you must not be a wayward man. I have trained you!

If you find a good woman but you are a bad man, you wont have a good marriage!

I won’t pick a wife for you but I have given you my advice. When you find her, bring her for my blessings.
May you find a woman that will increase you not
decrease you..

5 Things To Look For In A Partner!!

Marriage is one institution which God made and blessed and it is holy but it takes two to tangle.

Marriage is a life-long commitment, so it is important that you find someone who’s just perfect for you. There is a common belief that marriages are made in heaven, but when it comes to selecting a life-partner it can’t be left to destiny or luck, right? You need to make an effort to know the person better and have shared interests. Here are some qualities you should look for in your prospective partner…

1. Maturity
This is one important quality you need to look for in your life partner . S/he should be mentally prepared to take on responsibilities of a family and should be capable of taking independent decisions at the time of crisis. Physical, emotional and intellectual maturity can be termed as ingredients that will lead to the stability of a relationship in the future. So, find out how matured and mentally prepared s/he really is before getting hitched.

2. Good Family Background
This is of utmost importance and can’t be ignored, as marriage is not just the coming together of two individuals but two families. Religion, culture, traditions and values play an important role when it comes to marriage and living under the same roof. A rift can occur and scar the relationship forever if even one of the two families is too orthodox or too broad-minded. Lifestyle, food habits, religious sentiments, etc are few important factors to be considered.

3. Financial Stability
Your partner should have a stable income. What if one of you lose your job, due to some reason after marriage? So, it’s important that both of you are equally stable. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable discussing money matters ahead of time. For instance, you could talk about your spending habits and find out where you both feel your money should go, etc. This can prevent disagreements later. Also, discuss how you and your partner feel about buying, saving, and sharing bank accounts (if needed).

4. Sense of Humour
Having a partner with good sense of humour will ease out your worries in difficult times. This gives one the courage to take things light-heartedly and adds zeal to a marriage. Believe it or not, but when the going gets tough, good sense of humour can take you smoothly even through rough situations. Life is so much fun when your partner has a good sense of humour and knows how to be there for you to put a smile on your face.

5. Emotional Compatibility and much more…
Be it, good personal hygiene, adjusting nature, physical and emotional compatibility, etc these are all important factors that determine the success of a marriage. Mutual trust and respect helps you share things openly, as a couple. Also, ease of communication leads to a long-lasting relationship, which in turn helps you to resolve the issues in a mature manner.

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Marriage is Friendship

"One of the major pillars for a great marriage is friendship. Where a husband or wife is 100% confident that they have a friend in their spouse, it makes a difference. Don't just be husband and wife; that friendship element is absolutely important. Friendship has to be nourished and nurtured regularly or it will face the danger of becoming like a business relationship.

Your spouse must be able to sit down and talk to you about anything without you getting defensive or behaving as if they are a burden to you. Your spouse should be able to joke with you about anything and just feel free to be themselves around you. Many husbands and wives are not themselves when they are around each other. However, when they come around those they consider friends or family, they let loose; that should not be so. In fact, you should have the most fun with your spouse; give them room to be goofy and free around you; let your children see that side of you.

Stop being so rigid and official with each other. You joke with everyone else but frown at each other; relax!! Please build friendship & maintain friendship. This also means that even when your spouse may be at their lowest point, you are there to pick them up, not tear them down. Exactly what you will do for someone you consider a friend; do the same and even much more for your spouse. Friendship is core and marriage is the greatest platform to experience true and lasting friendship. That's part of what will keep your bond of love tight" 

- Excerpt from a Family Life Class teaching by Kemi Oyedepo